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“Here’s what you believe…”

I recently listened to an interview with Chris Voss, who is an author, professor, and a former FBI hostage negotiator. 

When it comes having a discussion with someone that has a different point of view—working through conflict in a relationship as an example—Chris recommends leading with this sentence:

“Here’s what you believe…”

Leading with this sentence says, I see you, and I hear you. And we all want to be seen and heard.

Having been seen and heard, the other person will be much more open to hearing you out, and a much more productive conversation will follow than it would have otherwise.

It is worth noting that they have to agree with what you say their belief is. 

If you get it right, they’ll be ready to listen. If not, let them spell it out for you, and reiterate to make sure you’re on the same page.